You just made me feel so damn special
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
