I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
