I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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