She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
