I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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