You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
