Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
