Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
