Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
