It's like God shit irony all over that family
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
