We're like a lot better than the average bears
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
