its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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