so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
third nipple confirmed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
