I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
