We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
