things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
