I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
