i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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