I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
