i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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