You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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