Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
