i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
