mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
