just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
