My friends, they love my intelligence
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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