dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
