The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Come on in and take your pants off
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