it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
