A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
