Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she smelled like a LAN party
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
