playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
