Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
