she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
