i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
