So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
