It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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