it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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