i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
