Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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