I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
