this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
