he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
