I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
