Don't make out with my wife yet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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