I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Found the puke drawer
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
