Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
