We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Who died my cat blue again?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
