3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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