I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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