is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
