I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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