Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
