what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
